It was really considerate of my boss to fill his office with bouncy chairs that help the nodding process. If he wanted his employees to agree with his ideas out of sheer laziness whether they were good or not, then he made an absolute genius move in buying those chairs. Whatever my next job is, I’m going to have to do some neck warm-ups beforehand, because if this one is anything to go by then I’m going to be vigorously nodding along to some crazy shit every 5 seconds.
1: KILL LESS TIME: stop spending whole days/nights watching back to back Simpsons episodes and drinking, waiting for day to end. Book more tickets for things, read more, be more sociable.
2: NO PORN: kills imagination, horrible to women, encourages laziness.
3: READ/WATCH MORE NON FICTION: try and actually learn things instead of ignore reality.
4: APPRECIATE THINGS WHILE IN POSSESSION: enjoy things while they are happening, stop wishing they were different.
5: DO MORE NEW SHIT: reason time goes so slowly as child is that most experiences are new; force more new experiences, prolong life.
6: PRODUCE RAP ALBUM: unrealistic.
The world probably did end in December last year, and there’s a Mayan footnote in the small print somewhere saying “yeah sorry we didn’t see any real point carrying on from here, we’ll have fucked ourselves into oblivion by then surely. Don’t read into it too much, kids”. Or maybe the Mayan’s laziness was meant to signify the beginning of the downward spiral, with the state taking more and more control of the people and one country claiming more and more power of the earth, massacres and wars popping up without most of the Western world even noticing, etc etc. Or maybe shit’s always been this bad and it took me a couple of decades to realise. Whatever happened, Hollywood took what could have been a subtle sign of the slow demise of the human race and turned it into a Michael Bay fantastical disasterwank that still managed to be shit even though it’s budget could have fed half of Africa for a year. 0/10.
Everyone was eager to please at lunch time. We were all escorted across the road and up the stairs of the building opposite into a room on the top floor. There was a small fan and plates of sandwiches. There was a big rectangular table that everyone who was lucky got to sit around so that they could face each other and eat tidily and relax and talk, and then there were the fringe seats where the late people sat. Being as it was a business course, a lot of people started lunch time outside on their phones talking to partners and associates, so when they got upstairs the table seats were gone. They usually got crumbs all over them and had to hunch over their food while they spoke. I was usually late.
Ray had recently become a Buddhist. He went to meetings where they sat facing the wall and chanted mantras over and over. One of his eyes was facing the wall at all times, and the other darted around like it was independent of his will. He was about 5 ft 6 and walked with a shuffling limp, which meant he was one of the late ones and a permanent fixture in the fringe seats. He said what made him turn to Buddhism was the day that two of his friends died on opposite ends of the country. He wanted to start a business where he was teaching children about sustainable energy, as he had a lot of experience in that field. He had spoken extensively about this in class, as he spoke extensively about a lot of things. I didn’t think his business plan was that plausible but I was quite interested in spirituality at the time, so I listened to him talk for an hour about Buddhism. He said that he didn’t understand why the world was such a horrible place, and if everyone could replace their thoughts of hatred with more powerful thoughts of love then the world would finally be at peace. I agreed.
The next morning I saw a police woman walk out of our classroom. Later on our teacher reminded us of the agreements we’d all signed at the start of the course regarding conduct. Ray wasn’t there, but neither was the American woman who sat next to him.
Turns out that the woman had seen Ray doodling swastikas in the corners of his pages and it began to make her uncomfortable. So uncomfortable that she eventually called the police, and declared that Ray should never be allowed to work with children again, as he is a neo-nazi and will be infecting their minds with fascist ideology. Or something along those lines. Our teacher had to give a statement to the police. He was sweating, because this didn’t look good for his career. Ray never came back, but the American girl was back the next day as if nothing had happened.
In Buddhism, the swastika signifies the Buddha’s heart and contains his whole mind. A lot of images of Buddha have swastikas printed on his palms, his arms and his chest. Often, a swastika will mark the beginning of a sacred Buddhist text, The Chinese and Japanese Buddhists see the swastika as a symbol of eternity and plurality, of togetherness. As if Hitler didn’t suck enough already.
Hurry up with my damn croissants #kanye #yeezus #IAmAGod #art #kanyewest #embroidery #lovehim